Mother’s Day is tomorrow and I still haven’t gotten anything for my dear, sweet mommy. It’s really difficult to find a gift for someone when a.) she already has a ton of junk you’ve given her over the last 26 years that she wants to get rid of and b.) you have no money.
I’d like to tell you a bit about my mom.
- Her name is Kim but she goes by Kimberly at work because there’s another Kim in the office and she doesn’t want anyone to get confused. Mom’s a giver.
- She’s worked as a Nurse at Abbott for the last 35 years, part of it in the OB ward and part of it in OB Homecare.
- She says she’s known that her calling was to be a Nurse since she was a little girl and she’s never wanted to be anything else. I remember her showing us kids pictures from her dermatology textbook for fun. It might be why I decided to become a Paramedic.
mom and dad in love
- She met my dad, Steve, at church. He was her Bible study teacher. Their families had known each other since approximately the beginning of time. My mom and dad are 7 years apart so it would’ve been weird and gross if they had started dating when she was in high school and dad was already out of college. Lucky for them, they started dating when mom was just out of high school. She was 18 and he was 25. Scandalous!
- Dad proposed in the summer of 1976, right after mom cut her luscious brown locks into a pixie cut. They didn’t want to wait a whole year so they got married on October 16, 1976, four days after my mom’s 21st birthday. Mom had super short hair and she says that’s the only thing she regrets about the wedding. They got married in the same church where they met. Awwwww. (Most of my extended and immediate family has been baptized, confirmed and married there. They should just call it St. Blomberg’s Lutheran Church of the Holy Cross.)
- Mom had two boys (Mike and Jamie) and she thought she was done with having babies. She was bummed out that she didn’t have a little girl, so I took pity on her and invaded her womb in 1985.
weirdly awesome photography
- She has a lot of hobbies and interests. She loves gardening, photography and photographing her garden. She also loves Viggo Mortensen. A lot. Mom has good taste.
- Mom is also a big time nerd. She loves Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, Doctor Who and the Moody Blues. NERD!!
- She loves reading. She can read a 1000 page book in one sitting, no problem. She gets really into it and totally forgets about her actual surroundings. If you try to talk to her while she’s engrossed in a book, she won’t hear you. If she responds, she’ll trail off and start reading again. It’s charming.
- She has a habit of saying “well, how’s that gonna work?” anytime you have an idea that comes close to being far-fetched. “Mom, I’m thinking about going to Los Angeles to help my friend move.” “How’s that gonna work?” “Mom, I’m thinking about getting a face transplant to look more like Andrea from 90210.” “Who’s that and how’s that gonna work?” “Mom, I’m thinking about building a spaceship and piloting a one-woman expedition to Mars.” “How’s that gonna work?!”
long line of beauty
- She’s the best-looking mom ever and I’m not saying that because she’s my mom (well, kind of). Put her in a lineup with 10, nay, 20 moms of people my age and she’ll win, hands down. She’s a beaut (not a butte, a beaut).
- She’s loosened up a lot over the years. She used to be pretty conservative and laced up, as I remember it. My dad has had a huge impact on that, though. Dad’s a big time Democrat and really good at convincing people of things. Put those together and add a woman in love with him and you have a convert. He would be a great politician. My brother being gay has also helped her loosen up and see things from a different point of view. It’s been a cool thing to watch.
- Mom loves to sing. She’s in the choir at St. Blomberg’s and occasionally at St. Mark’s. When she’s listening to her iPod while cleaning, she hums to herself and doesn’t even realize it. On the way to church on Sunday mornings when she has to sing, she does a vocal warm up where she goes “geeeeeoooowwwww!!!” really loudly. She has a joke that she scared herself doing it once and thought a cop was following her. She claims it’s a joke, anyway…
- The most important thing in mom’s life is definitely Jesus. She’s a devout follower of Christ and one of the best examples of what that means. She doesn’t have a mean bone in her body and she accepts people for who they are at face value. She knows what the true meaning of “love” is and she’s implemented that into her actions for as long as I can remember. She tries not to judge people and when she finds herself doing it, she catches herself and stops. She goes to Bible study every Monday night and does her homework thoughtfully. Her Bible is covered in writing and highlighted verses from her studying the Scripture.
In conclusion, my mom is an amazing example of how to be a strong woman, a fearless Christian, a comforting mother, a loving wife, an informed Democrat, a compassionate Nurse and a wonderful human being. I love you more than you can ever know, mom, thank you. (Don’t worry, this isn’t your gift.)
Goodness gracious, this week has been full of ridiculous happenings in this country. Here are 10 things I’ve noticed:
1.) I’m ashamed that my name has any resemblance to North Carolina.
2.) Americans don’t understand that getting people to like you helps you win a presidential election and that’s ok.
3.) Obama is a really likable guy.
4.) Mitt Romney is an unlikable guy who bullied his classmates and strapped dogs to the roof of his car because they “liked it.”
5.) People get really upset when they see boobies on the cover of Time but they love it when they see boobies on the cover of People and Us.
6.) The Huffington Post is just as inflammatory and irrelevant as Fox News. Example: Some of the articles on the front page today are “Who Makes the Best Mint Ice Cream?” and “PHOTOS: Brooklyn Decker’s Risky Sheer Dress.” (Spoiler: It’s Ben & Jerry’s.)
7.) I went to the top high school in Minnesota and I’m unemployed and on the verge of moving back to my parents’ house.
8.) A LOT of people’s childhood pets are dying. Apparently we all got puppies and kittens around the same time in 8th grade to help us deal with the constant rejection and isolation from our peers… or was that just me?
9.) A lot of Americans are hateful, ignorant bigots.
10.) Getting a new stadium doesn’t necessarily mean our team will fare better. Example: The Twins.
Guyyyyys, I'm so bad at writing a blog on a regular basis, I forget! This is why I can't have nice things. It's also why I can't take time sensitive medications.
I'm reading Rachel Dratch's new autobiography "Girl Walks into a Bar..." It's not bad. Like Darrell Hammond, she was never one of my all time favorite cast members on SNL. I didn't actively dislike her but I never got super psyched when she had a sketch come on. Except for the Lovahhhhs with Will Ferrell. That was great. All in all, on a scale of Victoria Jackson (least favorite) to Dana Carvey (one of my favorites), Rachel Dratch is a Melanie Hutsell.
It's funny to read these autobiographies of SNL alumni who grew up watching the show (Tina Fey, Darrell Hammond, Rachel Dratch). They all talk about how crazy they were about it when they were in junior high. In her book, Rachel Dratch says:
"My friends were never all that interested in SNL. I'd feel responsible if one of the sketches was incomprehensible to us. I'd try hard to telepathically send out the vibes to my hapless friends: 'just stick with it!' They would invariably fall asleep partway through, but I would watch the whole thing."
Guyyyys, I was the saaaaaame way. While some of my friends were interested in SNL, I was by far the most interested. I watched it every Saturday night (obviously) and sometimes, I even stayed up ‘til 3am to catch the late late rerun of a Not Ready for Primetime episode. I would tape ALL of the episodes and then use a second VCR to get rid of all of the commercials. I have at least 6 tapes full of SNL. I made lists of every cast member up until then and every character they played. I wasted so much paper and printer ink, I’m surprised my dad didn’t ground me for it.
Being 13, I barely understood the references and innuendos in most of the sketches but I could appreciate the fact that it was funny, it was making people laugh and it was powerful in some way. I can’t describe why I loved it so much. Maybe it was because I had a major crush on Adam Sandler at the time but if that’s the case, why do I still love it long after my obsession with him has waned?
I’ve wanted to be on SNL since the first time I stumbled on it while my parents were out and I was up past my bedtime. It was a Roxbury Guys sketch with Jim Carrey and I sat with my face glued to the screen. I must have been, at most, 3 feet from the television. Looking it up, it was May 18, 1996. Whaaaat. I didn’t watch it regularly after that until junior high because my parents came home and yelled at me for a.) being up so late and b.) watching something completely inappropriate for a 10 year old. But I was hooked and I’ve never forgotten that.
I see myself in these autobiographies. I’ve realized that there’s no way I can realize this ridiculously far-fetched dream unless I try it. So cliché, so true. Being road blocked from what I thought would be my life-long career as a Paramedic was at first devastating. What else am I supposed to do with my life? I thought that was what I was “meant” to do. In reality, it’s absolutely not what I’m supposed to do. I’ve always had a knack for making faces and imitating voices and accents. That’s my skill. I just need to figure out how to whore it out and make some bank.
I’m convinced that all of these things are happening for a reason. There’s a reason I got canned in September. There’s a reason I’m getting the silent treatment from my roommates (I’ll get into that in a moment.) The reason, as far as I can tell, is so that I can pursue this crazy vision. I have nothing holding me down right now and that’s both terrifying and extremely freeing.
I’m planning on going down to Chicago in September to try out for the Second City Conservatory program. Until then, I’ll be improvising my balls off to prepare for the audition. I just took a workshop from the epically talented Jet Eveleth who is a faculty member for the Conservatory program. She’s amazing! I realize that trying out for Second City is a huge step and probably seems unfeasible for someone like me since we just passed my one-year improv anniversary but seriously, what the hell am I waiting for? Life is so short! (I’ve learned that being happy in life makes me overuse worn out phrases like that but they’re SO true!)
As for the roommate situation, I moved in here last August, the chronological epicenter of my life seemingly exploding. I didn’t help much with getting the place all put together and decorated because I was painfully depressed and I just wanted to isolate myself as much as possible. My roommates are a girl that I’ve known since kindergarten but have absolutely nothing in common with other than being a 26 year old white girl from Minneapolis and a girl I’ve considered to be my best friend since junior high. The two of them are extremely close and their boyfriends are buddies so they make up a happy little foursome. I don’t have much in common with them at all, especially their senses of humor. I think a lot of things are funny, being a comedian and all, but for some reason their idea of humor just doesn’t resonate with me. Not a bad thing, just a thing. I don’t hang out with them, I rarely talk to them and they rarely talk to me. I stay in my room most of the time, only leaving to use the bathroom or make something to eat.
My friend and I haven’t been close for the last 6 months or so and that made me sad so I tried to reach out to her to plan a time when we could hang out and catch up. It seemed ridiculous that we weren’t involved in each other’s lives when we live 4 feet away from each other. She responded with an e-mail saying a bunch of personal stuff that cut me deep. Oh and that she thinks I should move out when the lease is up. Grand. Great. WONDERFUL.
I was pissed but I was mostly hurt. This was about 2 months ago. The other roommate decided to put her nose into it, too saying that she thinks I should move out as well. Mind you, it’s almost as if I don’t live here since I clean up my messes and I keep to myself. Anyway, I feel unwelcome in my own apartment and to me, that’s bullshit. I don’t want to move out of my own apartment on principle but I’m going to anyway because living with them has just turned into a bunch of stupid drama and I can’t wait to move on with my life. I love her and I always will and hopefully me moving out will mend things. Who knows. We'll see. blablabla.
Now, at first glance this sounds horrible, right? I thought so too. On second, third and fourth glances, I’ve realized that it’s a blessing. I don’t need people like that in my life and moving back in with my folks, as badass as it is for a 26 year old to do, will save me TONS of cash. Plus, I get to live with my adorable 13 year old, recent mastectomy victim dog. Win, win and win! It’ll give me a chance to go down to Chicago to audition, do more standup shows and watch cable! Sweet, sweet cable.
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