<-- This is the picture that showed up when I googled "blomblog"
It's been like 2 weeks since I blorg'd last. I'm sorry. I just can't find anything worth blogging about! Plus, I've been extraordinarily lazy as of late. I woke up at 4pm yesterday. When you oversleep a 2pm appointment there's something seriously wrong with you. And by "you" I mean me.
I google'd "blog topics" and this is what I found. Below each topic is my opinion (because it's MY blog):
Hm... self improvement... I'm on (f)unemployment and I spend most of my days watching Rescue Me and Saved by the Bell on Netflix. I've improved myself by getting off of foodstamps! Hooray! As for hypnosis, staring at a blank Word document tends to lull me into a state of hypnosis where I daydream about what it would be like to...
Health & Fitness for Busy People
Because of my busy sleep schedule, I like to work out by walking from my bed to the bathroom at *least* three times during the day. Bonus: being broke is a great way to lose weight.
Language Learning Blogs
Ah languages! I took French for about 14 years and all I really remember is "your head looks like a cabbage." Pretty sexy. As for Spanish, I know how to say "my arms feel like jelly." Oh and in German I can say "my monkey smells of urine." You'd be surprised at how often my skills come in handy.
How to Travel on a Budget
As I mentioned before, I went to LA for about a week. My suggestions for a cheap trip include befriending someone who has a lot of frequent flier miles they can't use, staying with a friend and sightseeing at Scientology-related museums. They never charge!
I rescued a squirrel once. I named it Frances Nutters. I have no idea if it was a boy or a girl. I fed it Carnation evaporated milk. I didn’t know evaporated milk was supposed to be diluted. Nutters got really fat and had diarrhea. But it survived! Then my mom brought Nutters to the small animal hospital while I was at work one day. I have yet to forgive her.
Social Dynamics & Communication Skills
I’m pretty bad at this one. Whenever I meet a new person, I feel like they can see right into my skull and they know all of my darkest secrets. Like how I frequent www.findadeath.com or that I have a book called “the Encyclopedia of Serial Killers” sitting under my Bible on my nightstand.
I’ve only had to defend myself physically once and that was when I was pantsed in high school. This kid pantsed me every day for about a month and finally, I punched him in the face, kneed him in the balls and punched him in the gut. It was great. He never pantsed me again. He’s a lawyer now.
Recipes for couples without children
Pizza Rolls and orange juice and/or coffee and cheez-its. And gummi-worms.
Male guide to female communication
Girls hate it when guys aren’t confident. We also hate it when they're overconfident.
Someone called me a “whore” once via facebook message. I figured he was too much of a coward to say it to my face, so I was all “wtf, lulz.”
Behavioral disorders in children
All children everywhere have behavioral disorders. The solution: leashes. OR not having kids.
I went on a date once where the guy took me Frisbee golfing. Here’s the actual transaction that occurred:
Me: So, do you like to read?
Him: Oh sure, I read a lot of manuals… pamphlets, y’know, that sort of thing. How about you?
Me: Oh yeah, I love to read. Especially autobiographies.
Him: Heh, I dunno about that…
He’s a doctor now.
I prefer steak, personally. But burgers are great. I’ve lived in Minneapolis my entire life (minus 7 months while I was in Denver) and I’ve never had a Juicy Lucy. I even know the owner of Matt’s Bar. There is no excuse.
I saw a ghost once. He(?) was staring at me while I was showering. I screamed but he didn't go away. It's weird, he looks so much like my landlord. It must be a dead relative of his.
Build a Boat and Cross the Pacific in it
This is impossible! No one has ever crossed the Pacific. Ever.
The End of the World and the Maya Prophecies for December 21st, 2012
My birthday is December 22.
The Best "Places" Around the World
I don't know why "places" is in quotes. How could that be misconstrued? Either way, my favorite "places" in the world include but are not limited to the bathroom at the Grand Cafe because it's really fancy, Buenos Aires, the inside of a Hennepin County ambulance, and of course HUGE Theater.
I need more topics! I promise I'll write a real blog next week and I'll do it every Wednesday from now on.
Tell me what I should blog about in the comment section!
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