Jobs Jobs JOBS! I told you I got an offer from Gold Cross Medical Transport down in Rochester, MN. I was all super psyched about it so I turned down three other jobs... bad idea. Turns out the offer is contingent on whether or not I can pass a lifting test. I (stupidly) didn't really think I'd have a problem with it. I saw that I had to lift 60 lbs here, 60 lbs there and maybe walk around to see how high my heart rate got up. TURNS OUT. I had to fling around a dummy that weighs 180 lbs in about a thousand different ways.
I thought I had prepared well enough, I ate my protein, I did some pushups. Turns out I can't lift 180 lbs from the ground up to my waist. I could do everything else but that was the kicker. I have one more chance to pass the test at the end of October so I've been doing deadlifts and whatnot. I broke the rules and ordered a pizza the other night. I knew it was time to really get my ass in gear when my mom came in the room and said, "Carolyn, you have pizza on your neck." So no more pizza until after my lifting test. If I pass, I won't start until November. If I fail, well... then I crawl back to the jobs I turned down and beg for them to take me back.
On the poor decision front, I shelled out some big bucks for tickets to see the Monkees in November. Or what remains of the Monkees, anyway.
I was obsessed with the Monkees when I was in high school. I watched it every day after school until Channel 45 decided it wasn't as popular as Everybody Loves Raymond. PSH. My favorite Monkee was obviously the most talented one, not to mention the most handsomest. Mike Nesmith. His post-Monkees career included inventing MTV, inheriting his mom's white out fortune and officiating A. Whitney Brown's wedding. (A. Whitney Brown was a writer for SNL for many years. WORLDS COLLIDING!)
So on the bright side, even if I don't pass this lifting test, I'll still be able to see Michael Nesmith before he Davy Joneses it.
Holy cannoli, this has been quite the summer. As you may have read in my last post, I lost someone very close to me 2 weeks ago. It was shocking and I've had a harder time with it than I thought I would. Now that the Fringe Festival is over, though, I can get back to a "normal" "schedule". I didn't realize before his passing how important my HUGE Theater community is. All I wanted after I heard about it was to go to the theater and be surrounded by my improv-y friends. Now I can and it's awesome. I love that group of people so much. It took me 25 years to find the right group of people to hang out with but it was worth waiting all that time. The whole premise of improv is supporting one another and Minneapolis' improv scene is great at it both on and off stage.
An hour before I heard about Matt's passing, I was offered a position as a Paramedic at Gold Cross Ambulance in Rochester, MN. I start September 10th which means I'll be six days shy of being unemployed for an entire year. So close! Thank God, though, my unemployment will run out next week. I don't know if I've ever had such a mixed bag of emotions as I did that day. Excited, shocked, devastated, happy-ish, guilty.
In some ways, finding out about this job at the same time was a blessing. It's kept me busy with preparation. First, I had to build some muscle for the physical screen they'll have me do in a week. My friend Hannah is a CrossFit trainer and she (being the kindest person ever) agreed to give me a few free training sessions. As a former fat kid, it was traumatizing at first. The last time I was able to touch my toes was in utero. (Oh by the way, that whole Zumba thing? I accurately predicted that a "rest day" would turn into a "rest rest of the summer." Maybe I'll pick it up again in the fut... no I won't. I need to set goals and my first goal is to stop setting myself up for failure by setting goals.) In any case, Hannah showed me some sweet stretches and I finally touched my toes! And then I was sore for the next week straight so I took a "rest week."
The next step was buying a bunch of toiletries since I'll be going back and forth between Minneapolis and Rochester on a fairly regular basis and what's the worst thing to happen while you're away from home? Not having nail clippers, that's what. Check. Nail file, deodorant, extra socks and undershirts. Check, check, check and check. I'm so set. Even if I have no idea how to stop someone's eyeball from falling out, at least I'll have a fresh pair of underpants waiting for me in the truck.
Another preparation I've made is to get contacts. Apart from not having a nail clipper when you need one, the worst thing ever is to wear sunglasses over your regular glasses. That does NOT convey authority at all. After getting over fondling my eyeball, it was a piece of cake. Now I at least look like I know what I'm doing.
The latest thing I've done to prepare was going to the library to get every book about emergency medicine I could get my hands on. I think reading up on the subject will really boost my survival rates.
I really think I'll be successful at this new job. Nay. CAREER. Look out, Rochester! Save all your shootings and spontaneous combustions for when I get there!
BLORG! So, I got a very exciting phone call yesterday. It went something like this:
Wait, I already screwed it up. It was more like:
Lady: Hi, is Carolyn Blomberg there?
Me: Yes, this is she.
Lady: Hi, this is blablabla from the Allina recruitment office. We’d like you to come in for an interview for a Paramedic position with us.
Me: HOT DOG!!!! I’ll be there with caduceuses on!!
Lady: Wonderful, see you then.
I haven’t worked in the medical field for six months now and I miss it a lot. In the meantime, I’ve been doing a whole lot of improv and stand up and writing and sleeping. It’s been a very productive six months.
I’m really excited about the prospect of working as a Paramedic again. I quit comedy altogether about three years ago to go to Paramedic school and it was worth it. I loved just about every minute of it. I got really stressed out toward the end and got sort of fat and realllllly zitty but immediately after graduating I slimmed down and cleared up. Stress is a bitch, ain’t it? Anyway, I learned a lot in the year that I did the accelerated Paramedic program through HCMC (Hard Core Medical Center). Unfortunately, after graduation there were no jobs available here in Minnesota for Paramedics. So I moved to Denver.
Denver was horrible.
These are the words that I use to describe my experience in Denver:
- Ice cream
- Red Box Movie Rental
- Conspiracy Theories
- Strip malls
- White people
I moved out there with my boyfriend at the time and man, do I feel sorry for him. I was such a pain in the ass. I had never moved away from home before and I’m pretty sure I acted like a three year old for the majority of the time I lived there with him. I feel bad about it, I really do. I’m glad I went out there, though. I don’t think I would have figured myself out as well as I did if I hadn’t. And then I went and dated a white rapper from Cape Cod. So much for getting to know myself. That’s a whole other story for a different time, though.
Anyway, I decided to move back to Minneapolis after seven months of living in Denver. I really had to. Denver was the most boring place I’ve ever been. I loved Boulder! I loved Estes Park and the mountains! But Denver was a flat, dry, arid desert. I’m used to falling into a lake every 2.5 miles in Minneapolis. Apparently they don’t have lakes in Denver. They go to reservoirs to swim in the summertime and they charge money for it! And when they go running, they run around big plots of dried up grass! How boring.
Don’t get me wrong, I had some great times in Denver. Horseback riding, hiking, watching the entire Sex and the City series and then crying when it was over because they had become my only friends while living out there.
I went back to visit a few times after I moved home and I had a great time on those trips. I wish I had taken the opportunity to really explore the mountains and everything while I was out there. My boyfriend and I had completely opposite schedules so I was by myself for the most part even though we lived together.
This blog has turned into me just bitching about living in Denver. The point of this was to talk about how excited I am at the prospect of working as a Paramedic again. Especially in the Twin Cities. I love medicine. I find it fascinating. I love working with people and making them feel better and getting my hands dirty (but not really because I wear gloves) and making them laugh when they feel like garbage.
It’s weird to have two completely different interests of comedy and medicine. Medicine can be hilarious and it gives me a lot of great material but it’s almost impossible to concentrate on both of them at the same time. If I get this position with Allina, I’ll have to pump the brakes on comedy for a little while. Being a medic takes a lot of concentration and studying. Geography, anatomy and physiology, pharmacology. It’s awesome. Way more stressful than comedy but just as fun and exciting.
Maybe I can be like Denis Leary in Rescue Me and be a comedian offscreen and a firefighter on tv! Wait…
This blog is long and full of me rambling because I’m nervous. Next week, my blog will be about how the interview went! The interview is next Thursday. Wish me luck!
In the meantime, here’s a sassy picture implying that people think girls can’t be medics. BUT THEY TOTALLY CAN.
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