I hurt my right shoulder at work about a month ago. I was pulling an intubated guy up in bed and he was fighting against me and KABLAMMY my shoulder was DOA. Yeah. Dead on arrival. Arrival to my torso!
I'm on "light duty" which sounds great. But much like light beer, light mayonnaise, and Lean Cuisines, it leaves me disappointed and hungry. I've become what I've always feared: an office jockey. I organize old Nursing Assistant checklists by date for my boss and put labels on things. The worst part is that I actually enjoy doing that stuff. Instead of cleaning something up or putting something away and knowing that someone is just going to eff it up again, I know that these binders of seemingly useless documents will forever be organized and stuck on a shelf somewhere. And I like that. I do something that will stay the same until someone really needs to know whether or not the linen hampers in the patient rooms were emptied in August 2012. I just need to accept the fact that I enjoy doing menial tasks with a minimum requirement of knowing the order of the months. Elementary school done did me right in that department.
I'm doing physical therapy for my shoulder which is sort of exciting. I can tell people, "sorry, can't hang out - I got PT." And I feel cool. Like an athlete. Rather than getting better, my shoulder has actually gotten worse, so they want me to get an MRI to really see what's going on. MRIs. Are. The. Worst. I mean, maybe not the WORST, but they suck pretty hard.
I didn't think I was claustrophobic but I should have thought back to that time when I got an MRI on my head because I was having headaches and they strapped me in so I couldn't move and told me the scan would take at least 45 minutes and I panicked and made them take me out and they got annoyed with me and then I got a prescription for Valium and went back and did it again and I don't remember anything after that. For some reason, I didn't remember any of that. I thought the scan would be like an x-ray or a CT scan - in and out and on with my day. I also forgot that they have headphones for you and they ask what you're favorite radio station is. I panicked and said KTWIN because that's what I usually listen to in the car because I don't have a CD player, a tape player, or a input thingy for my iPod. But I forgot how hit and miss KTWIN can be. When you know you'll be trapped and completely unable to move for a certain amount of time, your brain (my brain) starts focusing on stupid things:
"Do I have to pee? I just peed before getting in here... but what if I have to pee AGAIN?! Gah. Oh man, my lips are chapped. How can I drink so much water and have to pee so much but my lips still get chapped? Ah fart. My nose itches. Wait... is that John Mellencamp?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
So the Doc gave me a prescription for Valium and told me to give it another shot. I'll keep you updated. It'll probably be something like this:
***BREAKINGNEWS***CAROLYN BLOMBERG'S SHOULDER IS FINE***PLEASE STAY TUNED FOR MORE INFORMATION REGARDING CAROLYN'S STUPID SHOULDER***BEEPBEEPBEEP***OVER***
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