It's funny how passions can change over the years. You'll be obsessed with, say, table tennis for 6 months thinking, "there is NO WAY I'll ever NOT want to play table tennis, this is AWESOME!" Then you'll wake up a year later and think, "table tennis? PSH!" and you're old self will be all, "you used to be cool, man." That's kind of how I've been about a lot of things in my life. Example: In high school, all I wanted to do was being a linguist. My senior year, I took 2 French classes and a Spanish class. The problem was, as a French major with a minor in Spanish, I would make no money ever which is a problem for someone who wants to eventually move out of her parents' house. So instead of French, I decided to try for nursing because my mom is a nurse and nurses make really great money with fabulous benefits an they're all really pretty and popular. In an effort to blame anything but myself, I'll say that the Universe was making me fail multiple chemistry classes in college and prevented me from getting in nursing school. Totally the Universe's fault.
I kept trying and I racked up more and more school loan debt and got a face full of acne until finally, I said, "Screw it" and went to paramedic school instead (where my face REALLY exploded). I did fairly well in medic school and I really enjoyed it but then I had to go work as a paramedic which is way different than going to school to be a paramedic. You have to do all kinds of paperwork and drive the ambulance and wear a uniform that makes your butt look big. Not my thing. I worked as a medic in Denver for 7 months and then at HealthEast for 2 months. I just didn't enjoy it. Turns out, I liked saying I was a paramedic, not actually being a paramedic. That's kind of a lie. There were things I really enjoyed about it but for the most part, it wasn't for me.
The thing I enjoy most about working in the medical field isn't the science or the poop, it was making people feel comfortable and happy in otherwise uncomfortable and shitty (literally) situations. Kind of like Patch Adams but with less hair.
The one constant desire I've had since childhood hasn't been languages or medicine or table tennis. It's been performing. Ask my parents, I wanted to be an actress since I was 4 years old. Maybe it was because I thought being an actress would get me closer to Gene Wilder (*swoon*) but either way, it's stuck with me since then and has morphed from acting to stand up comedy and now to improv. For the longest time I thought that not getting into nursing school and giving up on linguistics and going to paramedic school were regrettable mistakes I made but now I have a decent paying job (for a comic, anyway) and I can speak fractured French and Spanish which is great for crossword puzzles.
Letting go of wanting to become a nurse is inexplicably liberating and terrifying at the same time. On one hand, it's a huge relief. On the other hand, I know I will never make a whole lot of money if I don't become a nurse. Other than comedy, I'm not really sure what I want to do and I'm a week away from my 27th birthday. So much for making money and moving out of my parents' house. But y'know what? Living just for money is lame. In the words of my great great grandfather upon receiving a third late-notice for his credit card bill, "meh, I'll do it tomorrow *drinksbeer,rawksout*."