We all have Facebook. We've all been annoyed by the minor, utterly non-life alerting things they've changed over the years. One of the most frustrating things they've done is make us all have cover photos. It was hard enough to choose a regular profile picture, now we have to find a rectangular picture that allows for that little square in the bottom, left hand corner where our profile picture goes?!?! Andy Rooney, where are you when I need you?!?!
I had some "rare" free time the other day and I Googled cover photos. What I found... will shock you. And make you laugh. And cry. Because society is going down the pooper.
You can tell a lot about a person from their cover photo. I've sorted and unapologetically stereotyped a few of them for you below. I divided the most common ones into groups. They are as follows:
Don't Judge Me!! /I'm CRAZY!!!!
Usually spelled "CrAzY" or alternatively, "cRaZy." These photos cover all the types of crazy from harmlessly annoying to "I've already dialed 9 and 1... what's this dude gonna do next...?" These are the people you might see on Maury or, more likely, at Walmart. If you don't want to go to Walmart (totally understandable), you can see them at People of Walmart. A lot of people frequent that site for a good LOL every now and then but it makes me sad and gives me a stomach ache. I feel bad for these people. I shouldn't. They're fine. They're at Walmart, buying their weekly groceries and flip flops. They're probably pretty happy people. But if these Facebook cover photos belong to any of them (which I'm assuming they do), maybe.... just maybe... they're not that happy.
I'm cRaZy but in a Cute and Individual Way!!! I'm Original!! LIKE ME!!!
These pertain to those chicks you see walking around Uptown or the U campus wearing fake glasses with big, black rims and probably a t-shirt from a band who's music they don't recognize (ie; Guns N Roses, Van Halen, Nirvana). They bitch about drones and Syria without really knowing what they're talking about. They smoke American Spirit cigarettes and own a lot of things with fringe.
I'm Lonely. PAY ATTENTION TO ME.
Chances are Dashboard Confessional, My Chemical Romance, or Fall Out Boy are on their iPods at any given time. (Mom, those are "emo" bands. "Emo" is short for "emotional"). They're SAD. But they won't tell us what's wrong, they just want compliments. They want to suck all your energy away from you by complaining and being a giant bummer all the time. Nothing makes them happier than an asymmetrical haircut and crying.
In all honesty, we should probably keep an eye on these people. Granted, they're mostly angsty teenagers but hey, that doesn't mean it can't be a real problem, right? (F'real).
I'm So In LOVE!!!!!!! ♥♥♥!!!!!!!!!!
Co-dependence is a big problem these days with stupid movies like A Walk to Remember, the Notebook, and Love Actually telling girls that life means nothing without a hot dude to make you laugh and buy you things and pick you up and spin you around without dropping you. It's totally unrealistic. Have you ever tried picking someone up and spinning in a circle without falling over? It's hard. I do it to my dog all the time. I have a 30% drop rate.
LOVE ME OR I'LL KILL YOU!!!!!!!!! ♥♥♥!!!!! >:)
The chicks who have the cover photos from above can easily cross into the crazy zone if they haven't already. These are ladies who depend entirely on their boyfriend for happiness, fulfillment, and validation. It's actually a legitimate problem and most definitely a mental illness - girls aren't the only ones who have it but I guess Google thinks so. I'm not really sure how to make this funny. It's straight up scary. Look:
We Broke Up, It's All I Think About and it's Driven Me Insane but I don't Realize it Which Makes it Even More Concerning to Those Around Me.
So the relationship didn't work out for the people above. Bummer. They're devastated but also really angry and they have no idea how to handle these conflicting emotions. Now they think they can get their ex back by posting a creepy cover photo, shaming or threatening them into missing them. In reality, these pictures inevitably result in a wicked one-two punch of unfriending and blocking which is immediately obvious to the broken hearted via their FB Spidey sense. It also results in a whole lot of unnoticed unfollowings by friends and family who hadn't already done so after the whole, "Behind every girl's smile there is a boy who put it there" garbage.
Most of my friends have pictures of nature or their families and friends or cats as their cover photos. Mine tend to be from improv shows and Full House. Right now I have the "I Never Feel Alone Bcoz Loneliness is Always With Me" one. Mostly because I find it hilarious but also bcoz I'm rly lonely.
Here's some Twitter for your Tweeting Pleasure: